Saying No

“I don’t know the key to success, but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” –Dr. William Cosby

Ever said yes to something and as the words come out of your mouth you're thinking, “Why am I saying this?” Life often presents too many choices, too many opportunities, too many responsibilities and too many demands. Due to underestimating our time or the specific request, an apparently easy task then becomes too much or just one too many.

Saying "yes" when you mean "no" is a short-term way to avoid confrontation or feeling embarrassed on the spot. But the expense is long-term stress. Saying “yes” when we would rather say “no” creates stress in us. Stress is a key factor in most physical problems.

We are raised to think nothing is impossible, a myth reinforced by images in the media. We try to be the super person we feel we should be, striving for perfection. We take on additional assignments at work, accept speaking engagements, chaperone the class field trip, or dog-sit for the neighbor. We believe we need to be available to everybody. If we can't measure up, we feel inadequate.

For most of us it's hard to say no. Being needed is a psychological need. We fail to say no for fear of letting people down. We want to help, think something will be fun, and fear offending someone in a worthwhile program. The immediate effect your "yes" has is that the person making the request is happy.

We have been socialized from early years to be acquiescent and compliant, so saying no may be difficult the first few times. To make it easier, begin by saying no in some low risk situations where you’re perfectly assured of your right to say no. With this practice you’ll build up confidence in yourself and an ability to say no in more difficult situations, appearing confident at times when you may actually feel uncertain of yourself.

PROGRAM ELEMENTS

1. Create a "Positively Yes" list.
2. Learn how fear and guilt create emotional hooks that cause you to say yes when you really don't want to.
3. Learn how to delay deciding with poise and grace.
4. Learn how to position yourself for saying no.
5. Examine common requests that often deserve a "no" answer.
6. Choose from a long list of "no responses" that will help you reduce stress.
7. Learn valuable resources what will boost your "saying no" skills.
8. Practice saying no in a safe environment.